Saturday, October 11, 2014

He Heals The Broken Hearted

Quest: the act or insistence of seeking or pursuing something; a pursuit made in order to obtain something.

Since returning from Ethiopia in July, I have been on a quest for one very important thing: a cardiothoracic surgeon to perform surgery on my precious Mekedse. 


You see, Mek was born with a congenital heart defect known as an ASD/VSD. For a past Pediatric ICU nurse, I know that this is serious...especially in a child that is over 10 years old and has gone this long with it being un-repaired. I have never seen an ASD as large as hers...there is essentially no separation between the right and left top chambers in her heart. And the VSD is large as well. She also has what is known as bidirectional shunting which is where the blood flows both ways across the heart and mixes clean blood and dirty blood making it hard for her to feel like a normal 12 year old should. She can't run without having symptoms. She can't play without getting winded. Her mouth and lips stay grayish-blue (cyanotic) and she always looks tired. She has never been able to experience a "normal" childhood as we know it. Her heart, for lack of better terms, is broken. Which in turn, has caused mine to be broken. 

And this is where I have stayed for 3 months...with a broken heart for my sweet Mek, on pins and needles waiting to hear from Gift of Life who submitted her case to an affiliate in London, and all the while watching Mek get sicker and sicker. 

I received a message a month ago with news from our field director (update: I work for Ordinary Hero now as the Sponsorship Coordinator) that Mek was not well; that she didn't even get up when the director entered her home. I asked for a photo to be sent to me as I have been heading up her case and my heart literally sank and tears streamed when I saw it. Mekedse was yellow, swollen and the rest of the report from the field director was that Mek told her she was having nose bleeds with exertion of any type. I went into ICU mode and ordered a bunch of labs, an EKG, and a Chest X-ray. Desperation doesn't even describe the feeling in my soul. I needed to be there. I needed her here. Why God have you not moved a surgeon's heart for her yet? Why God? She needs this surgery! It is life and death! I cried out all of these things and begged God to hear my pleas and answer them swiftly. Her labs came back off, and her X-ray showed her heart was slightly more enlarged. This was reviewed by a doctor stateside and it was determined that she may have Eisenmenger Syndrome. This is the result of an un-repaired congenital heart defect such as hers and can worsen everything for her.

I notified Gift of Life...and waited. And waited... Ahhhh, my patience was wearing thin and my heart was screaming "Lord please! Her story will be greater for you if you save her life. Make these surgeons move quickly towards an answer. Please Lord!" I prayed Scripture over her. I prayed for the doctors who would be reviewing her case. 

More time passed and I kept praying and begging God; asking Him "why"? "Why are we not getting an answer? Why is it completely silent? Why am I hearing NOTHING?" And then I knew.
I had taken this burden on as if it were mine to carry. I had forgotten that Jesus had said in Matthew 11:28 -“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
The yoke of Jesus is true rest because we place our total trust in God. Oh how I needed this! I got on my knees and released it right then. I released Mek back into His hands. I gave the process of surgery selection back to Him. I just gave it all up. I gave every single irritation...including people, places and things over to God.  I was exhausted and I knew that it was all His to begin with anyways. 

The peace that washed over me afterwards was overwhelming; a healing balm for this tired soul of mine. I knew God was there and could feel His presence so clearly.

And then, the next morning...He spoke. He waited for me to surrender it all and then He directed my steps. The phrases that He kept putting into my heart were "go back to the beginning. start over." What?!? Really?!? I just surrendered it and now I am being told to do something else? But I obeyed and emailed the first person I ever contacted about Mek's heart. And now...?

Well, I am supposed to hear back this coming week about our precious Mek getting accepted into the program at Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis.
If that fails, we are being submitted to Nationwide Children's Hospital for surgery which is where I used to work. I know the surgeon and cardiologist who have already reviewed her files and said she is a candidate for surgery. These are world renowned doctors!!! 
There is hope for Mek to come home with me in January and have her surgery then.

And what am I doing in the waiting time? Nothing except praying. I am not picking the burden back up.