Friday, September 21, 2012


What a year...12 months...365 days...

Last year, on September 13th, I got the awful news that the clinical trial I had taken part of for aggressive breast cancer had been stopped because the primary data had come back showing that the people who took the clinical trial drug were getting recurrences a lot more frequently and were dying sooner. Within 5 days I was back taking the standard drug for the aggressive part of my cancer that I would have gotten anyways had I not been a part of the trial. Within 8 days I was having another surgery to put another portacath in my chest for the next year of chemo I would be having infused every 3 weeks.
It's been a very trying year. What was supposed to be a drug that caused very few side effects left my body worse than the heavy duty chemo I had 3 years ago. No, I didn't lose my hair this time around, but I would much have rather been bald again than to go through all that I did. I was nauseated more than I wasn't. My bones from my hips to my feet were in severe pain to the point I thought I had stress fractures or bone metastasis. I developed the horrible cough with treatments which was later determined to be that I had actually developed asthma. My heart function was monitored every three months as this chemo was cardiotoxic. Over the course of the year, my heart function went from the high end of normal to the very low end of normal. Thankfully though, it IS still normal. My white cell counts have been all over the place as has my hemoglobin leaving me severely fatigued.
HOWEVER, I document all of these things to tell you, and remind myself, that no matter what, GOD IS GOOD. Even when it doesn't seem like it, even when the world and circumstances tell us otherwise, GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD! Has it been a horrific year? Yep. Has it been the most trying year in regards to my faith? Yep. Has it been hard to take care of and love on my family the way I want to? Yep. Has it left me feeling defeated? At times. Do I still wonder from time to time WHY this had to happen? Yep, sure do.


We must always remember this because without this simple yet profound and true statement, we lose hope, and without hope, we have nothing.
What is weighing you down right now? What trials or sufferings are you experiencing? What stresses or worries are keeping you up at night and robbing you of your joy? I challenge you to grab an index card and write the above statement on it. Tape it on your mirror, put it in your car, purse, pocket, Bible, kitchen cabinets, etc... and read it every chance you get. Let it sink in and once it does, you will begin to see things differently... with an eternal perspective. I promise. And things sure do look a lot different from that perspective.

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