Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Counting Down...And Other Things

This past week has been really hard physically. I had a treatment last Thursday which brought about the usual vomiting the night of, and this time something else that was new. Severe knee, shin, and foot pain. When I say severe, I mean that David rubbed my legs and feet for over an hour and had the heating pad off and on them all night. I took Ibuprofen and Tylenol when I could but nothing seemed to help...especially those first 24 hours after chemo. It hurt to lay down, walk, put pressure of any kind on my legs. Thankfully, the pain is getting better as time goes by, but even now as I lay here blogging, my knees are throbbing. I'm not really sure what to do. I am pretty sure this is related to the chemo so a visit to my general practitioner is probably useless. I am also pretty sure if I emailed my oncologist to tell her, there wouldn't really be a lot we could do about it other than what I already am...NSAIDS, Tylenol, and Epsom Salt baths. So I lay here trying to decide if it's worth an email to just see if she has any suggestions, or if I just wait and discuss it with her at my next treatment in 2 weeks. I don't know... But what I do know is that I don't want to feel like this for the remaining 6 months of this chemo.
Speaking of 6 months...well, that marks the half-way point of treatment for me. I can officially begin counting down now that I am over the hump. Seven months ago I never would have imagined that I would be back in treatment...again. I was in such a great place physically (after a horrific experience with reconstruction attempts and failures) and emotionally and I just didn't understand why the Lord would put me back "in the desert to wander around." But one thing I did feel Him saying was that this was NOT about my cancer, but more about who I would meet and how I would grow. It's been a long long hard journey as I have had to face a lot of things that I tried to forget (i.e. dealing with Kate's death again and missing her like crazy). I have had to learn how to speak my opinion when it would probably be easier to just internalize my feelings and get over it eventually.  I have been blessed to meet my sweet friend Cathey and form a real friendship with her. I have learned so much from her and can see Christ in her like no one's business. It's quite amazing! God most definitely ordained that friendship and I am forever grateful. I also met another young gal at chemo who was with her mom. It brought back sweet memories of my mom visiting from NC and taking me to chemo for nearly a whole month straight. I do cherish that time because I don't get a lot of it with her since we live so far away. I have learned also that it really is okay to rest. To be still. To trust. And to feel.
So, as I look ahead to the next 6 months I can't help but wonder what else God will have for me.  For now, I am camping out...waiting on God to move the and lead me to the next place he has for me. One thing is for sure though, even when things are hard and seem impossible, when I stop to think about the blessings that come with cancer, there really is no room for complaints.

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