Thursday, March 15, 2012

Urgent Prayers Needed

It's 1:30 in the morning. I woke up out of the blue, reached for my phone to see what time it was, and noticed I had a text message. Assuming it was probably from David (he is out of town this week), I opened it expecting to see some sweet little love note text. Surprisingly I found the text to be from my dear friend Cathey. You may remember from a previous post that she is the gal who I met and formed kind of an instant friendship with. She and I share an oncologist, a diagnosis of breast cancer, a faith and belief that God is bigger than any diagnosis, and much more. In short, the text just said that her scan results were in and that the cancer has spread in the bones and liver. The current chemo that she is on was not working and will be beginning a new one on Friday that has more side effects, but can hopefully buy her and her dear family some more time.

I'm just in disbelief. Shocked really, and very very sad. Please keep this sweet lady in your prayers. Please pray that the new chemo will indeed buy her more time and will not be harsh in side effects. Pray for her family also. 

Thank you in advance for being faithful prayer warriors. Each of you, although I may not know you personally, mean the world to me.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Isaiah 40:31

      But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
      They will soar high on wings like eagles.
   They will run and not grow weary.
      They will walk and not faint.

I had treatment on Thursday...just 2 weeks after the last one (normally they are 3 weeks apart but due to scheduling conflicts, there was no choice). I was dreading it as always, but it was lessened a little this time because David was able to be with me. The past 2 treatments he has had work conflicts that have been unavoidable. I always think it will be fine, but when it comes down to it, I need him with me. We have this thing...it's a routine. We've been there, done that so many times that we are just in sync on treatment days. Don't misunderstand, I am always so excited for friends to come along with me when David can't be there, but once the meds kick in and I get loopy I feel vulnerable and just need him with me.
Back to treatment...had my ECHO done first to check heart function. A side effect of all of the chemos I have received is heart failure so I get scans every 3 months to ensure all is well. Haven't heard back from this one, but I am sure it is fine. Then time for treatment... I had a nurse that I had never met before. Her name was Corie and she was WONDERFUL! We chatted while she accessed my port and got my fluids going. She was truly pleasant and I enjoyed having her be my nurse. I felt like she had time for me and she actually engaged in conversation like the nurses at the hospital site did. It was a really good experience this time around.
That night, I did get sick three times, but I have become accustomed to throwing up the night of treatment. It's just the way my body reacts, and now that I expect it, I can handle it better. 
The following day, I had childcare arranged for the morning but it fell through last minute. For a second I panicked, but then it was all okay. I realized that I was feeling okay. Not the normal blah, can't wake up, need to be in bed feeling. I actually felt good. So I got myself and the kids ready and headed to Chick-fil-A to meet a group of gals. I was going to go to MOPS, but I didn't plan a dish since I thought I would be sick and not going anywhere. After that, we went to a super awesome consignment sale that Clarksville has twice/year. Chloe's friend Kirk went with us there (he was at CFA too and wanted to hang with Chloe) and the kids played while I shopped. I got some good deals. Check this out: Janie and Jack dress $6, Gymboree onesie $1 (tag still on it), Old Navy Outfit $3, another onesie $1, 10 board books for $5, and some level 1 reading books for $3. And the biggest score of all. A BIKE FOR BRODY for $3.50. Yep, you read that right. I just had to get training wheels for it which were $10 but still, that's a kids' bike for less than $15 and I saw the same bike brand new for $60 at Target. Anyways, after consigning, went to Target to meet Kirk's mom and hand him back over. We had lunch there and then shopped around a bit. After that, we headed home to rest. Then I hit up the grocery store to try to find some wheat, milk, and egg free foods for Chloe due to her knew allergy diagnoses. Got home from there, made dinner and then collapsed into a HOT bath! 

Today was atypical for a post-chemo day. It reminded me of the promise God gives us in Isaiah. I feel like I did soar on wings of eagles, run and not grow weary, and walk without fainting. 

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Remembering...Although I Have NEVER Forgotten

It's 4:30 in the morning and yes, I am wide awake and on the computer while EVERYONE else in my family sleeps soundly. Not fair. I know why though. When I went to bed last night...actually only a few hours ago, I went to bed with one person on my mind. Kate Clark. The sweet sweet gal in the picture with me at the top of my blog.
Two years ago today Kate lost the battle with breast cancer. Or maybe I should say she won it since she is healthy, healed and whole now in heaven with Jesus. Maybe I am the loser in this situation since I am still here in this fallen world, still getting treatment, and still dealing with the side effects and emotions that come with cancer and the treatments. She is happy. She is forever healthy. She is be-bopping along and partying it up in her forever home (and yes, I fully believe that heaven is an amazing place where much much fun is to be had).
The question that remains for me is this: does the pain ever stop? does the hurt ever heal? It's been TWO YEARS...which seems like a lifetime when there have been so many experiences that I have wanted and needed to share with her but have not been able to. She was my one friend who TRULY understood EVERYTHING I feel because she was right there in my shoes feeling it too. On the other hand, it seems like just yesterday when I was sitting at her bedside at her home telling her goodbye for the last time. She couldn't see or hear at the end of her life. I wondered how she would know I had come to visit. I remember so vividly taking her hand and rubbing it on my head (she LOVED my post-chemo curly hair) and then moving it down to my engagement ring (she also talked about it all the time). When she felt the ring, tears formed and fell down her cheeks. Right along with her, tears fell down my own. She knew I was there and that was a sweet blessing I feel we both received.
So today, while the pain has already begun to intensify, and the tears are fresh again, I try...again, to reconcile this in my heart. My mind KNOWS that she is so much better off, but again my heart lags behind. Does it ever get easier?



Psalm 34:18
 The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.


Revelation 21:3-4
 I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”



July 2009 - chemo day for the K's

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Jealousy - The Sin That Can Creep In

We started a new sermon series at church today called "Sin City." Awesome props, amazing music and time of worship, and a very thought provoking message. The topic today was jealousy. Now I honestly was thinking "oh, I'm good" (wonder if next week's will be pride) when he announced that. However, I thankfully didn't check out because God really spoke to me.
The passages read were from the gospel of John and referred to Peter and John's relationship. How John always refers to himself as "the one who Jesus loved." How John made it a point to tell us that on Easter Sunday he made it to the tomb before Peter did (I can totally see the race in my mind). How when they were on the boat fishing and John noticed that Jesus was on the shore, Peter just had to get to him first so he jumped in and started swimming to shore. And how John was eavesdropping in on a personal conversation between Peter and Jesus - possibly seeing if his name was going to come up. I can just picture these two grown men acting like boys trying to get Jesus to like one more than the other. Trying to impress Jesus by all means. Jealousy ensued.

As I sat listening to this, I thought about how deep down I really am jealous of women who have had successful reconstructions. I am jealous of women who get implants just so they can be more busty, and I am jealous of women who have anything at all in the boob department. I still get annoyed at times when super busty women complain that they wish they didn't have boobs, or when smaller chested women complain that they don't have enough. I also find myself jealous of women who can just think about losing 5 pounds and then end up losing 25 in a matter of a few weeks. On the other hand, I adapt a Paleo lifestyle for just over a month now eating essentially nothing but meat, veggies and fruit, and I have only lost 8 pounds. It makes me want to eat a whole birthday cake when I stop to think about it, but I do feel better since I am feeding my body healthy things. So I skip the sudden urges brought on by my frustration with the scale and keep plugging along. Clearly my jealousy issues are all about physical attributes. I have just never felt as though I measured up and always am comparing myself to others.

But then, right as God is dealing with my heart this morning through the message, the worship team comes back on stage and leads us in "He Loves Us." The song goes like this:

He is jealous for me 
Loves like a hurricane 
I am a tree 
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy 
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory 
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me 

Oh how he loves us, so 
Oh How he loves us, how he loves us so 

He is jealous for me 
Loves like a hurricane 
I am a tree 
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy 
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory 
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me 

And oh, how he loves us so, 
Oh how he loves us, how he loves us so 

Yeah he loves us 
Oh how he loves us 
Oh how he loves us 
Oh how he loves 


We are his portion and he is our prize 
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes 
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking 
So, heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss 
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest 
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us 
Oh how he loves us 
Oh how he loves us 
Oh how he loves 

Yeah, he loves us 
Oh how he loves us 
Oh how he loves us 
Oh how he loves 



And then I become very humbled that God is jealous for ME!! He is jealous for me, Kelly Blevins. No need in my having jealousy or envy over others because the only One who matters is jealous for me exactly the way I am.