Friday, July 29, 2011

The Word is Alive

The Lord has given me a new piece of Scripture for this season of my life. He is so faithful to do that because He knows exactly what we need to cling to at the exact time that we need it. That just goes to prove that His Word is alive!!! So a few months ago I had a crazy dream (pretty sure I blogged it already) that I had to stand in front of a camera for a music video and recite Ephesians 3:20. It was so clear to me that the second I woke up I grabbed my Bible and opened it to see what exactly God was showing me. Here is what my Bible says: Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 
I asked David if he would mind if I shared  a bit of our story on here as I totally believe in bragging on God in the most true and detailed way that I can while still respecting the wishes of my family. Of course he was fine with me sharing it with my blog family because honestly if it changes the kingdom for just one person, then it's worth it!!!! Have I mentioned just how much I really do love this husband of mine? Anyways, here is the back story...when I was diagnosed with cancer, David was put on the back burner. He never complained about it, and kept all of his feelings to himself. He thought he was doing the right thing because everyone he came into contact with would ask how I was doing and then follow it up with "just be strong for her." That meant don't talk about the "what-ifs..." Just stay positive even when she isn't you have to be. Well, that turned into emotional turmoil that no one knew anything about. It kept building and building until one day he told me how he was feeling and just let it all out. I was SHOCKED! I guess I naievely thought that he was doing just fine since he never indicated otherwise, but I learned in that instance that what he needed was to feel like God had not abandoned him. That God still loved him more than anything on earth, and that he still had a purpose. He needed for our friends to understand what he was going through yet none of our friends had been down our exact road...especially in regards to him being a business owner, having an infant and toddler, and a young wife with aggressive cancer. He had a lot on his plate...running his business, taking me to surgeries and caring for me afterwards, chemos, taking care of the kids, home needs etc... To him, it felt like God was there a little, but just in the background watching it all happen. Watching his internal thermometer get ready to combust. At that point, I started praying and asking God to please send David a strong mentor who could speak truths into his life, I prayed for his relationship with Christ to return to the state it had been and then be multiplied 10 times over. I prayed for him to just be able to be broken when he needed to and let God show him His perfect love and comfort. I prayed these prayers for over a year. I knew that I was praying God's will because everything I prayed was scriptural so it was just a matter of waiting for God to answer.
During that year of praying, we did have some rough patches. Upon the advice of our pastor at church, we sought out counseling to help us both work through our feelings. I was still angry that my reconstruction didn't work, that I had been put through 7 surgeries over a 2 year time frame, that I was still suffering effects from chemo and radiation and that my body image had changed majorly making a whole new set of issues. I was angry that 3 friends in chemo at the same time I was had died, and one of those was my best friend Kate. And then I was angry because I felt angry. I wanted nothing more than to feel blessed and thankful for the miracles God had already performed in my life. It was a constant battle. Do you know that 70% of couples who face cancer will have their marriage end in divorce? So, we knew that couldn't be us and opted to start counseling! What a blessing that was.
But then the counseling ended and we were still trying to adjust to the new norm in our lives. Our babies were now toddlers, my check-ups were stretched to every 4- 6 months with scans and blood work, we went through some difficulties with some "friends" of ours, and had to start making choices - real life choices in regards to our priorities. Those were tough and we felt the effects of those choices negatively from a world standpoint, but ever so positive from the Kingdom standpoint.
Anyways, this whole time I could see David teetering on the edge of going full force with Jesus and being crazy in love with Him and many many times I thought he was there. That my one more prayer would be the one to knock him over to the other side of the fence (is that pride?). And then something would happen and I would get frustrated and tell God I was done asking. But by His grace, the next day or week, there David was...closer than ever! It went like this for a while. morning I was walking with my friend KB and I mentioned that I had been praying for a mentor to come into David's life and she said her husband was looking for someone to mentor. WOW!!!! So, we kind of planned it and set them two up on a coffee "man-date" and what was originally going to just be one day has turned into a set time and day to meet, have coffee, and talk life. David loves knowing that he has that guy to go to and run things by and just confide in. And he knows JB will shoot straight with him too...just like KB does with me :)
Anyways, the week after the mentoring started, JB casually mentioned Ethiopia to David and he was 100% fully on board to go on the mission trip. He took a few days to pray about it and then KNEW that God was calling him to go. So without really having any details, he committed to going and I knew God was up to something big!
Since committing, we have been fundraising for the money to be able to go. The trip costs $3100, vaccines are $250, and then whatever money he will need for food, etc... We prayed about how to get this much money in such a short time frame, did what we could, and literally sat back and let God do the rest. May I just say that He has provided almost every single dollar of this trip so far?!? I think we are just about $500 away from the final goal. And the final payment isn't due until August 20th.
And, without any detail really, I will say that I feel like God is impressing something on my heart as well right now and He has shown me so far how each step along the journey has been all orchestrated by him. I'm just praying my Ephesians 3:20 and am going to watch him do more than I could ever imagine.
Be bold in your prayers. Be confident in the Lord. Ask expectantly! He is our father who loves us perfectly and He wants to give us the desires of our hearts.

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