Tuesday, June 14, 2011

New Experience

Today marks a first for me. Oh, before I get into my experience though, I guess I should update by saying that my brain MRI came back totally normal and my CT Scan came back showing a new lung nodule, no growths in the others, and a new kidney stone. We still have no idea what the nodules in the lungs are, but that's okay because no growth = no cancer! Thank you Jesus! I think we have been praise dancing around here since we got the news. This is the first time since my initial diagnosis that I can honestly say that my husband was a nervous wreck. It was determined that since there is no cancer spread that my tremors, nausea, etc... were an indication that one of my medications was just building up in my system too much and was causing negative effects. The dose was cut in half and my tremors are almost all gone and the other "symptoms" are totally gone.
Now, on to my experience. Today, after my Bible study, I took the kids to eat at OUR Chick-fil-A. As I was coming back from the bathroom with them, there were 2 sheriff deputies sitting in a booth. The larger one nods at me all the while staring at my chest and then whispers something to his partner who then proceeds to start staring at me and whispers something back. When they saw me watching this whole thing, they both diverted their eyes. While I couldn't hear what they were saying, I KNOW that they were talking about the fact that I have no breasts. And of course now that I am home, I could think of 18000 things I could have said to them (that's probably the Holy Spirit keeping me from losing my religion. ha!) And of course David was at a meeting in Nashville today so I couldn't even go tell him (again, probably the Holy Spirit protecting David from losing his religion with them.) They are not regular customers of ours...as a matter of fact, our 2 managers said they had never seen those 2 deputies in our store before, so I guess it's good that I likely will not see them again.
This is the first time I have witnessed someone talking about my "situation." It ticks me off, makes me sad, and embarasses me. I start questioning if I shouldn't have worn the outfit I chose today, but I actually was looking and feeling pretty cute in it until that happened. I start wondering how many other people actually talk about me and I just don't know it. But then, something else happens. I remember that God has told me I am beautiful (Psalm 45:11), that my identity is in Christ, and that my suffering in this present body is totally worth the Kingdom's cause. And nothing can top that!

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