Thursday, February 10, 2011

Lesson Learned Through A CT Scan

Over the past week, I have had several symptoms arise that warranted a call to my oncologist. After speaking with her, she wanted me to come in for a CT scan, labs, and see her afterwards. Luckily, the symptoms I was having was totally unrelated to any form of cancer - thank you Jesus! However, a few other things were discovered on the CT... a small liver lesion consistent with a cyst, and 2 small nodules on my right lung that are too small at this time to know what they are. I was told not to worry one second about them and we would do another CT in August to check for growth. Hmmm, okay. This was all yesterday.

So, yesterday was quite a day. After getting home, and especially once it started to get dark (I always find it interesting that darkness is associated with Satan and things always seem worse when the sun goes down and it gets dark outside) I found my mind wandering to the "what could these nodules mean?" When I kept my focus on the promises God has personally given me, I felt perfect peace. When I started using "worldly logic" I began getting upset, worried, and all out scared at the prospect of facing cancer again. There is nothing that can be done about these findings for 6 months unless symptoms arise. So, this means waiting. A very hard thing to do, but a necessary one. There is so much to be learned in the waiting periods of life. The times when we are called to just be still and know that He is God. In those times we are to recall His promises to us, and rely on His provision of perfect peace through His Son. We are to obey and surrender it all to Him. We are to obey...which is the ultimate sign of full surrender to God and His will for our lives.

With my health, it's hard to surrender out of emotion because every single part of me wants to give in to the worry and fear and cry out, "but God..." However, it's a CHOICE. I have chosen to obey and surrender because of my belief in His sovereignty and His Word. If it is anything of concern to the doctors and my health, He will make it obvious, and if not...well then, why spend the next 6 months worrying and wasting precious time?

So  this means no internet searching what these nodules could mean because it just gives Satan an "in" to my thoughts and makes my fears seem rational and warranted despite my promises from God. Instead, I am taking every negative thought captive and replacing it with Scripture. The result??? I am finding a perfect peace settle upon me and I have joy.

2 comments:

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  2. You describe so well the fears and tendency to compulsively search the internet for info!

    It IS hard to surrender to God, and thank you for being such an inspiration to us both in our cancer battles!

    Love & Blessings, Joe

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