Thursday, January 20, 2011

Really Cool God Story

First...I need to say that I am not on Facebook anymore. Don't be alarmed. Nothing happened except I began feeling like it was taking up too much of my time. I felt the urging from God to break away from it for  a while and use my time differently. I may be back, I may not. Just depends. For now, I am re-ordering my life and putting my focus in different places.


Well, yesterday the most fun God story happened. You know my last post was about taking up the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. For me, it means digging deep into Scriptures, proclaiming those as truths in my life, looking for and remembering His promises, and memorizing  and saying Scripture aloud. The sword is literally one of the most powerful tools we have against the enemy. And if you are anything like me, you really need weapons to use against Satan as he uses every opportunity to invade our lives right down to our very thoughts.
So, back to yesterday. I decided to forego my personal devotion time to sleep in a little bit since I was starting a Beth Moore study that day at a local church. MISTAKE...at least for me it was because I am weak and vulnerable. I NEED to be in the Word as much as humanly possible. Instead though, I got up at 6:30 with Chloe and decided to google search what my MRI report showed. I knew I shouldn't do that...very dumb decision on my part because I found a lot more than I bargained for. Before I knew it, I had found out that my lymph node is double the size of normal and that the place where it is at is a main path for metastasis to the liver, lungs, and bone (that is why you NEVER search for anything on the internet regarding cancer...you always find out things you never expected to). Anyways, I tried to put it out of my mind and concentrated on getting my kids ready and heading to church.
I would be lying if I didn't tell you that it did weigh on my mind a LOT on the way to church (especially given that one of my best friend's sister in law died that same morning of breast cancer that had spread). I didn't go into panic mode though. I started thinking about praying this lymph node away and having everyone I know pray it away for me. As my dad said, "we won't pray it to shrink, we will pray it to go away. Why pray for a sandwich when you can have a buffet?" AMEN!!
OK, so getting on to the really cool God story...the study I am doing is titled "Breaking Free" and it is about freedom from the strongholds in our lives. Perfect...one of my many is fear. And I would dare say it is my main one right now. So at the end of the lesson, our last verse to look up was Judges 6:23. Guess what it said!!?? (I can hardly contain my excitement) "And the Lord said, Peace! Do not be afraid. You will not die." Seriously!!! He said that...to me, and to Gideon if we are being precise here. But really, as I read that scripture and listened to Beth talk about it, I just laughed inside and danced with joy because I knew that the verse was FOR ME on that very day. God's grace is just way undeserving! I chose to not have my quiet time, research the internet about my MRI,  and get scared to death, yet God chose in his unfailing love to pour out His grace and give me that scripture...that Sword of Spirit.
What a perfect way to transition into my afternoon. At peace and in awe that God is so loving and full of grace and mercy. I can just see Him looking down, shaking his head with his hand on his forehead going "Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...you are relentless. Here is more of my Word for you. Take it and REMEMBER it! And for crying out loud, STOP researching the internet. Research ME instead!"

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Taking the Sword of the Spirit

It is what I refer to as the "witching hour" at my house right now. It's that time between when I pick the kids up from parents' day out until dinner time. The time when the kids come home from school and are wound up tight and extra energetic. The time when I usually am NOT blogging, or even thinking about the computer. However, today is different. Today I have felt compelled to be in the Word more than I usually am. I have really longed to be with Jesus today. I don't really know why...it has been a normal day. I got up at 5 and did some Bible study and had some prayer time as I do most every morning, but I was disappointed when it was time for me to get it in gear and get the kids ready for school. I wanted to spend more time with my Savior.
I did get it together though and get the kids to school. Went to 2 appointments, Target, and then home again where I listened to a sermon by Craig Groeschel. By the time that was over, I had to go get the kids, run a few more errands and then come back home. And now, after getting them settled with snacks and Scooby Doo on the TV, I sit here blogging. However, before I got on here, I turned on my worship music and looked up Scripture about fear, worry, anxiety, and what God has to say about them. I know I wrote in a previous post that I am doing scripture memorization this year, but today, I sat and wrote out about 8 verses to use when Satan tries to play games with my mind. When he tries to tell me the cancer is back or that every little ache, pain, or other symptom is a metastasis. What I have done is arm myself with the sword of the spirit. It is one of the 2 things (the other being prayer) in the whole armor of God that is for attacking the enemy. Obviously, it is POWERFUL. In Hebrews it refers to the Word of God as living and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword. Even Jesus himself used scripture when he was tempted by the devil (It is written...).
So, after writing my Scriptures down in a small notebook that I can carry with me everywhere, I am prepared. I am ready to memorize, read, re-read, and speak aloud those passages when I am overcome by fear or worry and put the devil to rest. I'm not letting him take my thoughts...but instead, I will take every thought captive and use my Sword!

By the way, if any of you are interested in studying up on the armor of God and spiritual warfare, a really good book is called Spiritual Warfare and is by Joseph Prince. It's a  short book, an easy read, but full of explanation about each part of the armor of God.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

January 14th

The way my day has been today has left me checking the calendar numerous times wandering if it is really Friday the 13th. Really, I have. Not that I am superstitious or anything, but something about this day has left me longing for tomorrow so I can cross this one off the calendar. Here's a little run-down of how life went today...

1. BOTH kids woke up at 6:45 this morning and demanded milk and cereal bars. I mean the first words out of their mouths were "milk, bar, milk, bar, cartoon!" It was a rude awakening, but an awakening nonetheless.
2. The vacuum cleaner went out today while I was vacuuming. It started to smoke, smell like fire, and shoot out dust. I noticed the cord was frayed and wires were exposed so I took that as my cue to turn it off.
3. I got the results of my bloodwork, and despite not having a cycle for 2 years, my ovaries are still functioning and these signs of menopause are just FAKERS! I am going to have to go through all of these again when I really do hit menopause. Grrr....
4. I got the results of my MRI and the "questionable lymph node" that was there last time is still there and has grown by 2mm - or 25% - putting it in the "oversized" category. 2mm doesn't sound like a lot, but in cancer-speak, it's what determines clear margins or not, so 2mm is a BIG deal. My oncologist and radiologist discussed these things at length and agreed to have me back in May for a repeat scan. I'm waiting now to hear back from my breast surgeon on Monday to get her opinion.
5. Dumb insurance won't cover another scan until July so I have to wait an extra 2 months which I know isn't that long, but when you are wandering if its cancer coming back, 2 months makes a huge difference.
6. A very dear friend of mine called today and told me her husband had gotten wounded in Afghanistan. He is going to be okay, and she has been able to speak to him, but he may require another surgery, and he has to stay in that crapola country until his whole unit comes back even though he 99% will not be able to go back to work within that time frame. They are set to come back in March or April.
7. My kidney stones are back. The aching started last Saturday, and the sharp pains started 45 minutes ago. Praying I can just deal with it at home and not have to go to the ER. So far, I'm okay.

And that's all. That has been my day. OUCH!!! Must go now...dang stones!
Thank you Lord that your mercies are new every morning!!!! Bring on the 15th please!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Forever Homes

Now that we are in the full swing of things in 2011 (aka...kids are back to parents day out!), I have a second to sit and blog about some really random things. Grab a cup of coffee, a warm blanket and sit with me as I talk about what's been on my mind. They will all tie together by the end of the post I hope.

First, I have been doing a Max Lucado study for about a month now, but just this past week, things have just happened in my heart with what I have been studying. Call me crazy if you want, I will call it Jesus and just say that I think these things that I have been meditating on have been because of my one word...REVIVAL. If you  have no clue what "my one word" is, see previous post. Otherwise, I will continue.
Yesterday morning, I was doing my studying and it was all about scripture and memorizing it so that it can easily be recalled to memory. It was about hiding His word in your heart. That His word is a lamp and light unto our feet and paths, that His word is ALIVE. It is real, it is unchanging, and the only thing that we can ever depend on are the promises that He was given us through His word.
So after finishing the study, I decided to start memorizing 2 scriptures/month. A friend of mine, Beth Moore (okay, we are not real-life friends, but we would be if I lived in TX), has a scripture memorization team of women. This is what they do. They write their new scripture on the 1st and 15th of every month and then they spend the following weeks memorizing, meditating, applying, etc...
OK, so on to today (I will tie this all together I promise, just hang on with me). This morning's study was about the disappointments in life that we will experience, the fears, unmet expectations. My first thought was was that the past two years have been written in God's plan for my life to ultimately bring Him glory. It wasn't so that I would have disappointments, fears, failures, etc... It was all to help carry out my purpose in life - to further His kingdom. And my next thought was that I wonder what my future will look like. I wonder what my REVIVAL is going to look like.
So, at the end of my study I was praying about some big changes that could be coming upon our family by the end of 2012. I was asking God to show us what to do and what decisions to make. Then I sort of got off track and my mind started wandering (you know it happens to you too). I started thinking about a new house. By the end of this year, we want to be in the beginning process of building what I refer to as "our forever home." You know, the home that my kids will grow up in and my grandchildren will come to someday. I have all sorts of ideas and criteria/lists of things I want in this "forever home" and believe me that when David sees this list probably half of it will be crossed out due to the big budget dreaming I have. However, during the middle of my daydreaming escapade, the Lord gently nudged me by telling me that this will never be my forever home. Earth was not intended to be anyone's forever home. My forever home is heaven. Nothing will satisfy me to the fullest here on Earth and it's not supposed to. If we had everything we could ever imagine on Earth, why would anyone want to go to Heaven? Why would anyone long for their forever home?
Now, for the tie in... as I was searching this morning for my first verse to memorize, this is what was given to me. Hebrews 13:5 - Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you."
So, do I think God does not want us to have a great custom built home? NO! Do I think that we already don't have a great home? NO! But what I do know is that no home, no amount of money, no perfect acting children or super romantic husband will ever fill that last void in my life...my forever home with Jesus! And I can promise you the same thing for your life. You will never feel totally complete and full while here on this earth, but the closest you can get is to become a child of God and know that your forever home is coming.