Friday, October 22, 2010

What a Week!

This has been such a crazy week. I have ridden the emotional roller coaster and held on for dear life. There were days (Monday and Tuesday) that I was upside down on the roller coaster and my seat belt was coming undone. And then there were days that were spent climbing the hill getting ready for the exciting time that is to come. Today however, the roller coaster has slowed to a near stop and I am breathing again normally. My heart rate is normal. My smile is wider than it's been in a long time and my peace is the peace that only Jesus can give.

I am going in for surgery again on Monday. This is to attempt another reconstruction (called a latissimus flap) on the left breast. The first one failed and I have accepted that. I am ready to move forward with this next surgery knowing the following things:
1. This is probably going to work... there is a very small failure rate.
2. If this in fact does work, there will be one final surgery to replace the expanders with implants in 3 months.
3. If this does NOT work, this will be my last and final attempt at boobs.
4. If this does NOT work, there will be a grieving period I am quite sure.
5. If this does NOT work, then God intended it that way and for whatever reason, it will bring Him more glory. Maybe I will be used to encourage someone else along the way whose reconstruction fails. Or maybe others will look at me and see that you can still be sweet and sassy without boobs. Or maybe just maybe someone will see that my identity is NOT in my chest but is in Christ and that will encourage them.
6. I am NOT a bad person for trying a second time to have what was taken away from me by cancer. I had amputations. Lost 2 body parts.
7. I am NOT a bad mom for letting my kids spend quality time with their grandparents in Atlanta while I recover from this surgery the first week.
8. I am going to have a hard time recovering as there will be 2 incisions that are about 7 inches in length, one on my back and one across my chest. There will also be a drain again and it is a same day surgery.
9. I know that God is going to supply and meet all of my needs during this recovery time and I will depend on Him for that.
10. I know that my husband is going to be a phenomenal support to me just as he has been over the past 2 years, but probably stressed about having his wife at home in pain. So if you see him out, do me a favor and ask him how HE is doing. Make sure he is feeling okay about however my surgery turns out and ask if HE needs anything.
11. And finally, pray for my children that they will have a wonderful time at Gramom and Grandaddy's house and won't get homesick.

I will have David update the blog Monday afternoon or evening. My surgery is at 12:30 and will last about 3 hours. I will be in recovery for about 2 hours or so until I can wake up and be coherent enough to come home. Love and hugs to each of you!

3 comments:

  1. Praying for you....that all goes smoothly and this reconstruction will work.

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  2. Kelly, I've been praying for you especially the last week. We do look forward to reading an update from David!

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  3. Praying for strength for both you and David. Also that this will go as uneventful as possible. We love you all.

    Judy and Harry.

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