Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Holy Crap I Had No Idea...

Alright, I must forewarn you that I am in no mood to be positive or politically correct, or anything else for that matter because it is now post-op day 8 and my pain level is still about an 8. I feel like shit, (crap), look like shit, (crap), and pretty much see my world as such. I STILL have this dang JP drain in which I thought would stop draining after 3 days and come out after 7, but NOPE, not this time. Darcy the Drain is hanging in there and still draining. And yes, I have named her because she is totally a part of me now. Although, one wrong move this evening from me and she was almost accidentally ripped out. Yes, she got snagged on something and it ripped a stitch out. Talk about hurting like hell (the dickens)...it hurt so bad I almost fainted.
For those of you who know me personally or have been following my blog for the past 19 months, you know I am generally not a cuss-er, or negative nancy, or anything like that because I serve a Risen God who is full of grace so what do I really have to be grumpy about?  So, just bear with me and I will be done soon with this---I hope!

So here is what I want to do...a list of pros and cons to the surgery I just had (prophylactic mastectomy and tissue expanders).

I no longer have either of my real boobs so the chance of a local recurrence is slim - real slim
I no longer am walking around as "The One Boob Wonder" since I am now evened out - flat as a pancake
I will NEVER EVER EVER have to wear a bra again.
I will be the hottest 90 year old in the nursing home because I will be perky and everyone else will be saggy sue
Chloe will not ask me if my other boob fell off anymore! Now she just tells me that she and I match - LOVELY!
I will get to watch them grow right before my very eyes on a weekly basis.
Shirts, bathing suits, etc... will fit right again
Insurance is paying for this whole thing so YIPPEEEE - at least that's one thing Obama didn't change for women who have had breast cancer and need reconstruction. Good job Mr Prez.

The pain really does suck. They not only took my last remaining boob off, but they also cut the pec muscles and slid in tissue expanders to stretch my skin in preparation for the implants.
My skin will be harder to stretch (more painful) due to the radiation that tightened it
I will have needles stuck into the chest muscles every week to expand them
I will have muscle spasms and be on valium and pain meds during the whole process.
My husband thinks I should ask for a size K (for Kelly). I told him with as much pain as I'm in he will be lucky to get an A minus.

And I think that is quite enough of this type of blog. Now, on to my sermon listening (can't sleep due to pain) and maybe tomorrow I will feel better and can write on a happier note. You know what though, I totally hate reading other people's blogs who seem to always have their crap together and nothing in life is hard or upsetting. We all know THEY ARE LIARS. The Bible tells us life is going to be hard so we need not even act surprised. So I strive to be authentic and include the good, the bad, and the ugly. That being said, sorry if I offended anyone. Sleep well blog friends, sleep well.


  1. amen, sister! thank YOU for not being a liar....much appreciated! prayers for what you are supposed to learn in this difficult recovery. love you!

  2. You go girl. Scream, cry, cuss, sing. Whatever it takes to get through this and your ultimate goal of new GIRLS!! We're here for you. I think some folks don't complain about their lives because half the people don't care and the other half are glad that it's happening to you....Just a thought.... Love ya, Girl...

  3. I love you, I love you, I love YOU!!! I am praying for you and you made me laugh so hard I almost peed (is that how you spell that?) my pants! The nursing home joke made me think I should join you in a few years for certain! Ok, I have now lost my phone, but somewhere along the way I glanced over your text, and yes, yes, yes!!!!! I just have to work Tue and Thur so other than that, bring it on sister! I will put you on the couch and tell you God story after God story! LOVE YOU!