Thursday, February 11, 2010

Updating on Kate

Let me start off this post by saying that my state of mind in the last post was quite abnormal for me. I was hurting, I was angry, and those were just honest feelings that I was journaling. I HAD to get those out and writing is my personal outlet. I just happen to do it publically via blogging. I hope I didn't offend anyone, but God wants us to be real and be true with Him about everything - even when we are mad and don't understand what He is doing. And just so you know, I did go to church that next day and had an amazing time of praise and worship where I was able to just soak up the Holy Spirit's presence and let go of my anger. I still don't understand WHY this has happened to my sweet friend, but I trust God and I have a pure peace. Psalm 18:30 says "God's way is PERFECT."

Now, on to the update...I was able to go see Kate today. Her sister told me a few days ago that Kate had been talking about me and the kids (and our dog) for days so she thought it would be fine for me to come. They are trying to limit visitors because this is truly precious family time that they are having so I feel completely blessed that I was able to share in this time with them. And selfishly, I just felt like I needed to see Kate one more time. The last time I saw her, she was having conversation and was lucid. She could see and hear somewhat and it was just a beautiful visit. It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she wouldn't be here with us on earth much longer. HOWEVER, today was different. Kate was NOT Kate. She was mostly in her own world, talking about things that no one really understood, and unable to do much on her own. I was wondering on my way down to see her how she would know I was there...IF she would know. So, after being there and holding her hand for a while, I took her hand and let her rub my hair (last week we were talking about my new hair), then she felt of my diamond. I think that's when she knew I was there. She smiled a little bit and then had tears start rolling down her cheek. Her sister, mom, and mother-in-law all saw it and told me that she knew I was there and that in some of her more lucid moments of the week they had been telling her that I was coming. I don't know for sure, but I really do think she knew...or maybe I just really hope she did. Anyways, I stayed about 45 minutes and had the privelege to meet her dad and her father-in-law (I had met the other family members last summer during chemo). Her family asked me to come back anytime because they know Kate wants me there so I will be going back next Tuesday or Thursday when the kids are in school again.
Until then, I have some different things that I want to pray for and want you all to pray for too.
1. Please pray that God will protect Kate's mind and heart with thoughts of Him and her family while she is "in her own world."
2. Pray that her parents will feel the presence of God and be comforted by the only one who can provide perfect peace (John 14:27). I truly felt so sorry for her parents that they are having to watch their daughter go through this. I thought of how easily it could be my parents suffering in the same way and it's only by God's grace that they are not.
3. Pray for her husband, Tim. He is a wonderful and very loving husband who is hurting deeply. He takes such great care of his Kate and has since I've known them. They are truly in love!! When Kate is gone, he will be here in TN with no family even remotely close. I cannot even hardly think about how he will feel without tears welling up.
4. And finally, pray for me that I will remember through this hard time that God's ways really are perfect - even when we don't understand them

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