Wednesday, February 10, 2010

My Heart is Hurting

Hey blogger friends. I wanted to update you on my dear friend Kate and ask you to keep praying for her. I have been in touch with her sister a lot since the last post so here's the latest.

Kate's health is deteriorating quickly. She has lost her hearing and sight now and spends a lot of time "in her own world." She is not easily comforted because she is unable to hear or see her family. Her sister did say that Kate has reassured them that she is NOT in pain which is a huge blessing! The hospice doctor was in the other day and told the family that this is all part of the process of this leptomeningial metastasis.
I was planning on going to see Kate on Monday, but her family has requested no more visitors except for family. I completely understand this and respect their wishes 100%. I can't imagine how difficult this time is as they watch their wife/sister/daughter go through this. I really never thought that last Monday when I saw her at Vanderbilt that it would be the last time I would see her. But the Lord has revealed the blessing in it to me. Originally, I was going to see her this past Thursday, but I felt a HUGE urgency to see her earlier in the week and Monday was that day. She was awake and alert most of my visit and was able to smile and laugh and talk to me. Had I waited until Thursday to go, I would not have seen that same Kate. I'm so glad that God placed that burden on my heart to go see her earlier.
Now though, I need to be honest with some emotions I am having. Authentic...because I wouldn't be a good blogger if I wasn't honest (maybe even to a fault). I was sitting here thinking about church being tomorrow and about how usually I am thrilled to go to church, worship and praise my Jesus, and then get into His word to learn. However, I don't know how I am going to do this tomorrow. How am I going to sing about how great and awesome and amazing our God is when my heart is hurting so bad? How is it going to happen when my close friend is dying and there is nothing that can be done about it? I hate sin, the fall of man caused this crappy disease and I know its not God's fault, but that doesn't help my heart feel any better in this moment.

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