Wednesday, December 2, 2009

OK - Update On Me

Well, I have no idea when was the last time I updated on my health or what I last updated because I was too lazy to look back and read (it's late and I so should be sleeping). So, here's the short version.
Last month, I was having tingling in my back and of course my paranoia set in and I mentioned it to my oncologist several times. In order to allay my fears of metastasis to the spine, she ordered a spine MRI. It came back totally normal showing no cancer in the spine, but they happened to see a pretty large nodule on my thyroid. My oncologist told me that she was not at all concerned about it from a cancer standpoint, but wanted my PCP to follow up on it. He ordered blood-work and several diagnostic tests and I had them done the week of Thanksgiving.
Fast-forward to yesterday and my phone rang while I was driving to Target...it was my doctor calling. Immediately when I heard his voice and not his nurse's, I kind of knew that the news was going to be less than perfect. He told me that the ultrasound had come back showing a partially fluid filled and partially solid mass on one side of the thyroid. Then he told me that the thyroid re-uptake scan had come back showing a "cold nodule" and those are the types that could be cancerous. He told me to call my nurse at Vanderbilt and see if she could get me in with an endocrinologist faster than he could for a biopsy to see if this is benign or malignant. I politely thanked him, wished him a great day, and hung up the phone to call my momma. Sometimes I just need my momma - no matter how old I get. Tears flowed at first and I thought "I cannot do this again. I CANNOT do this again LORD! Please do not make me go through this again!!! Haven't I been through enough? Hasn't my family suffered enough because of me?" And then, after talking to my mom and probably several prayers later (thank you prayer warriors) I had an overwhelming peace. It was truly the peace that passes all understanding. I heard the Lord tell me that I was right, that I could NOT do this again...not by myself at least, but that if I had to do it again, that HE COULD do it for me - like He did the first time. And then today I thought about Paul and how in the Bible he gives an account of the thorn in his side and how he asked the Lord to remove it 3 times but He never did. And then Paul goes on to say that God's response to him was "My grace is all that you need. My power works best in your weakness." Then Paul came to realize that when he was weak, then he was really strong.
I know I have a long way to go, but I am really seeing that Paul's realization is a realization that I have made in my life this year too. I have been weak emotionally, physically, and mentally this year, but boy when I admitted that I just couldn't do it and instead relied on Christ and His ability, I became strong. God's grace is all that I need - all that any of us need.
So, to sum it all up, I did some research and found that a "cold nodule" 85% of the time is not cancer. I am NOT worrying about it (surprise surprise), I have NOT lost sleep over it, and I have NOT let satan take over my thoughts but have instead clung to the Voice of Truth. If you so feel compelled, I would love your prayers because I am not naive enough to think that just because the stats are in my favor that I couldn't be one of the 15%. But I am trusting 100% that whatever the outcome that there is a greater purpose and plan and that the Lord is sovereign.
My appointment is next Tuesday and I am hoping that the endocrinologist will go ahead and biopsy the mass that day so that I can get results and put this behind me before the holidays.

Psalm 66:8-10...Let the whole world bless our God and loudly sing His praises. Our lives are in his hands and he keeps our feet from stumbling. You have tested us O God; you have purified us like silver.

8 comments:

  1. Praying for quick and good test results! Also praying for Satan to stay at bay, so you can focus on the holidays and being with the kiddos instead of worrying about this. Thanks for the update and let us know how it goes on Tuesday! Love you :-)

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  2. you're always in my prayers! hang in there!

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  3. Hi, Kelly, Which endrinocologist is it? Mine at Vandy is Dr. Jagasia who is absolutely superb. I had a thyroid biopsy,too and it came back negative. I now go in for periodic checkups. Praying for you,

    Sandy K.

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  4. A favorite quote . . .

    "God is down in front. He is in the tomorrows. It is tomorrow that fills men with dread. God is there already. All the tomorrows of our life have to pass Him before they can get to us." by F. B. Meyer

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  5. A palestinian christian woman said to me once that when she is at checkpoints and there is a lot of shouting and gunfire and soldiers waving machine guns in her face, she remembers that Christ has gone before her and made sure that there is NOTHING ahead of her that she (in Him) can't handle. We uplift you before the God who especially loves you and has gone before you. Will be particularly praying on Tuesday.

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  6. Kelly,
    We are in Steve's life group & We've got your back in prayer. I love your realization that in your emotional, physical, and mental weakness HE was/ and still IS strong in/for you. We all read those words, but actually living it brings The Word to life. Thanks for sharing and for being so admirable in this difficult time in your life.
    Coral & Jay Benge

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