Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Philippians 1:12

The other day, a sweet friend encouraged me in deciding what I should do next as far as a Bible study. I was feeling really down because of some tingling I had been having in my back. Of course, after cancer, your mind automatically goes straight to the "worst that could happen." I've been told it is natural for this to happen (thinking the worst), but it was overwhelming to me how much I was being affected by this. I was a WRECK!!! I couldn't even really find any words to say to Jesus and therefore just started becoming really down...like really really bummed out. So, as I was talking to KB about this, she encouraged me to maybe not necessarily to a Bible study book, but just a study of my Bible. I decided on Philippians since it is the book about JOY throughout all things and the first day God spoke directly to my heart. It was as if He had been saving this for me for this present time.
Philippians 1:12 says "Everything that has happened to me here has helped spread the Good News!" Paul knew that his crappy circumstances were not as important as what he did with them. That is SO TRUE for me...and really for everyone. I remember when I was having my portacath placed before starting chemo that the Holy Spirit had told me that my purpose in all of this was to furthur His kingdom. Ummm, wonder if this verse was given to me on this particular day when I was feeling scared and upset to remind me that everything that has happened to me is going to help me to furthur His kingdom? I think so. Immediately after reading this passage, I meditated on it and it helped me out of that slump I was in and got my eyes focused back on what He has called me to do.
After some more thinking about all of it, I realized that once again, the dang devil was able to get at me. I had just given my testimony to 70 or so women at a breast cancer event and it went off without a hitch. I literally felt like Jesus just planted those words in my mouth. And I had real hope that if one woman there had not heard about Jesus or had lost her faith in Him because of cancer or some other thing, that she would see how AMAZING, COMPASSIONATE, PURE, and LOVING He is. Of course since I had this hope, happiness and joy I think the devil just couldn't stand it and wanted to start planting those seeds of doubt and fear in my mind. Ugh...hate him!

So, to not leave anyone wondering about my back, I did call my oncologist and talked to her about it. She really thinks it's a pinched nerve and nothing to worry about. She thinks it will heal after the radiation is over and I'm not put in these funky laying positions anymore. If it doesn't resolve within a few weeks after radiation, then I will have an MRI done and make sure it's not a disc or anything else. I'm quite confident now that I am just fine. The tingling has decreased and yesterday I actually didn't have any.

Now....a  prayer request and a praise
1. Alexis - a friend of ours who is only 22 years old and had a relapse of her lung cancer (just FYI, she has NEVER smoked a day in her life). She was originally diagnosed in January with lung cancer that had spread to her brain and stomach. She went into remission until 2 months ago and it's back in her lungs.
2. Kate (my chemo buddy) is CANCER-FREE!!! She had no residual left after her surgery. So now she's on to radiation and will be done with treatment forever!


  1. thinking of you. you always amaze me! you are awesome!

  2. We will pray for your friend Alexis and praise with you and your friend Kate. God holds our breath, each breath, and armors us. As we have entered into a more serious battle with principalities and evil of the world and the spiritual realm, the lines get drawn more clearly. God is victorious and He loves us so much.