Thursday, March 19, 2009

Frustration Turning Into Trust

Well, I knew something would go wrong along the way...I just didn't know it would go wrong before it even started. I got a call today from the Oncology nurse at Vanderbilt that the test that we are waiting on was never run by pathology so now it will be another 5-7 days before we have results. For me, that means that everything will be pushed back by a week. Here's the sequence of events that we are waiting on now...
A) Her2/Neu test results come back
B) schedule the heart scan (the type I get depends on the result of my test)
C) meet back with my oncologist for the LONG LONG LONG appt where we will go over all of the chemo drugs, trial drugs, what to expect, etc...
D) bloodwork
E) CHEMO!!!

I suspect that once we get the test results back that the rest of the sequence will move pretty fast, but it's just the waiting that sucks (sorry, but it does). So, as I started to have a pity party after getting the word from the nurse (who by the way is amazing!)I decided to call a sweet friend for some encouragement. And that's what I got! She helped me to realize that when I get frustrated and mad about things not going as planned (according to my calendar) that I am not 100% trusting God to take care of it and work it all out for me. She also told me that truly, in the grand scheme of things, that 1 week is not that long to wait and that I don't need to sit around moping about it but instead use the time while I feel good to enjoy time with my family. She also reminded me that I just need to trust the Lord to get those results ready when He says it's time, not when I say it's time. Who knows, maybe next week one of my kids may be sick or something else may come up and then what I assume to be human error in regards to that darn test is actually God taking care of me in a round-about way. Or... maybe nothing at all will happen but regardless I know that the Lord is in charge of everything and He is not going to forget about me like I feel like the pathologists did. EVERYTHING happens for a reason and while I only see the frustrating part of this situation, God sees the whole puzzle and it's all going to be just fine. So, here's to putting my trust in God to get all of these things done and in the meantime just sitting back and enjoying my time with my family.

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