Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Keeping the Focus

Lamentations 3:23 - Great is His faithfulness. His mercies are new every morning.

Aaah, I am finally starting to feel better physically and am getting my strength back. My pain has now turned to more just really bad soreness which is completely tolerable. Makes me feel like I just had a really amazing workout instead of a surgery. Also, my surgical site is healing beautifully and things are looking better up top.
I did find out today that the cancer is all the same type which is a good thing and an answer to prayer. I also found out though that it is a very aggressive type and was also found to be in the margins. However, the doctor did get it all out so praise the Lord for that. I meet with my doctor on Friday for my post-op visit and will discuss everything with him then. Then on Monday I am heading to Nashville for a second opinion as I feel like when your life is at stake, a second opinion is always a good thing to have. Then after that, I'll meet with the oncologists and form a plan. I'm not sure whether I'll need chemo in addition to the radiation now that I know that it's aggressive and I have a higher chance of recurrence, but if I need it, I want it. I want to do whatever it takes to kick this cancer's butt!!! I have 2 babies and a husband to take care of for a long time to come.

When I first found out this new news, my first instinct was to be upset and start worrying about my future again. I felt like the devil had found another "in" so to speak and he was back at attacking me. However, nearly immediately after that, my thoughts were to just focus on the positives and not forget the good things about this...
A. I found it early
B. I have had the tumors removed so they are no longer in there
C. I have been blessed with a new friend at the hospital through all of this
D. I have been humbled by the Lord and shown His love through so many people
E. I have been drawn closer to Him
and many many other blessings have come from this.

Anyways, while I was telling my mother-in-law (and myself) that I was just going to focus on the positives and keep my eyes looking straight ahead and not get down about it, my thoughts came to Peter and the story of Jesus walking on the water. Matthew 14:28-31a. Then Peter called to him, "Lord if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water." "Yes come", Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water towards Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. Jesus reached out immediately and grabbed him.
Although we start out with good intentions, sometimes our faith falters. That does not mean that we have failed though. When Peter reached out to Christ that was a symbol of his faith. He was afraid but he still looked to Jesus for help. That's my goal...to know that fear is okay as long as I still look to Jesus for help. I just have to keep my focus on Him.

1 Peter 4:12 - Dear friends, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad - for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.

4 comments:

  1. Hello my sweet friend. I finally have internet and now have an update on you! Trying not to bug you, but will have a meal coming soon! I smiled my biggest smile ever upon reading your amazing faith and couldn't help but think how proud your hubby is to be married to such a sold out woman of Jesus! I am CERTAIN that means more to him than even the best ***** money could buy! :) You are the read deal my sweet friend! May He receive all the praise, honor, and glory, but I pray you recieve all the blessings!!!!!!
    K

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  2. Hey girl,
    We need to have coffee sometime soon and chat about everything...our sweet babies, hubbys, and our challenges from God as we rise to meet them.
    We'll talk soon! Miss you.

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